Why AI Is So Good for Women
Artificial intelligence has already changed my life. ChatGPT is my brainstorming partner, workout coach, and paralegal. It helps me review contracts and was a huge asset when my dad was in the ICU, and I wanted to talk to the doctors on their level.
I love what artificial intelligence has been able to do for me. But I’ve also worried about how it might replace me.
That was until I realized Artificial Intelligence won’t replace me. It can’t. Instead, it will make me irreplaceable. And it can do the same for you, especially if you’re a woman. When artificial intelligence is there to tell everyone what to do and what to say, our competence will no longer set us apart. What will set us apart is our ability to make people feel. Our ability to sense emotions and shift them (including our own) will be the new differentiator. And that’s where women have an evolutionary advantage.
Artificial intelligence is changing. It used to be that we gave it questions and it gave us answers. But now, it’s starting to give us answers to questions we haven’t asked. It’s going to be living our lives with us, and learning as it goes. Experts refer to it as the “era of experience.” Soon, AI will be with us at every moment: in our glasses, our earbuds, even pinned to our clothing. It will track our movements, listen to our conversations, and provide real-time advice.
I was a trial attorney for 25 years, so I think about it in terms of the courtroom.
A lawyer stands to give her closing argument. In her ear, an AI assistant guides her:
“Speak louder and cite this case.”
“Make eye contact.”
“Juror #4 responded to that analogy — use it again.”
“Opposing counsel’s weakest point was X. Counter it now.”
The AI assistant has been there since jury selection. It knows the case and the players. It knows the case law. It reads facial expressions, body language, and tone. You’re so much more competent with your new assistant!
But then it says:
“Sound more confident.”
“Exude more charisma.”
“Make the jury believe in you.”
And that’s where your assistant fails.
Confidence, charisma, and trust aren’t commands you follow. They’re energies you embody. And AI doesn’t know how to help you do that.
Research at Princeton University revealed that charisma is associated with two key traits: warmth and competence. But AI will change the way we look at competence. When we get to the place where AI is telling everyone what to do and giving them the knowledge to do it, old school competence becomes table stakes.
People won’t be impressed by what you do or what you say. People will be impressed by the way you make them feel. (Maya Angelou was before her time!) Now, your ability to exude the energy of warmth, delight, or compassion is going to be the key to your success. And this ability is one that women have been honing for eons.
Women are often socialized to attune — to read the room, sense the mood, and know what people need before they do. They’re tuned into themselves and their bodies, and they’re tuned into the people around them. These skills, once dismissed as “soft,” are now emerging as strong. Because in a world where AI handles the hard skills, the soft skills become the real assets.
And the softest, strongest skill of all?
Your ability to impact your energy and the energy of those around you.
This is an ability that can be learned. I’m a communications consultant. People come to me because I’ve mastered the skills of communication in the courtroom in front of juries, on stages in front of keynote audiences, and on TV as an anchor at the Law and Crime network. They think I’ll teach them about body language and facial expressions. And I do. But AI could tell you when to uncross your arms, use your hands, or smile less widely. That’s not enough.
What I teach goes beyond body language and facial expressions. I teach energy.
I’ve found that women are especially adept at recognizing the impact their energy has on others and then shifting their energy so that they can use it well. It may be because for women ,this ability was the key to survival. In early tribes, women were responsible for caretaking, gathering, and maintaining social bonds. They were also vulnerable to physical danger, which meant that the ability to detect shifts in others’ energy and manage them was key to survival. And modern neuroscience tells us that women are more accurate at decoding nonverbal emotions, more responsive to subtle emotional shifts, and, most importantly, more skilled at creating rapport. Women know how to read and influence energy.
But anyone can learn this skill. I know because I’ve helped people do it. During my 25 years as a trial attorney, I prepared nearly a thousand witnesses to testify and provided them with the tools to be confident, compassionate, and empathetic.
Here are three tools to get you started.
1-Choose your energy.
I think of energy in terms of emotions. When I’m feeling confident, I have a confident energy. When I’m bored, my energy is boring, and when I’m anxious, so is my energy. Each of these energies feels different to you and the people around you. Think about it in terms of tone of voice. You know when someone sounds anxious, confident, or bored, right? It’s because their energy is reflected in their tone, and energy doesn’t lie.
Choose your energy, because then we will do the work to generate that energy. But we can’t get there without knowing where we are going.
My favorite energy to aim for is delight. I believe that delight is my superpower. I love delight because it is different from happiness or joy. The definition of delight is great pleasure, and I can choose to take pleasure even in things that aren’t happy or joyful. My dad recently died, and I was delighted by the number of people who reached out with stories of his impact. I was delighted by that impact and how much he meant to so many people. I wasn’t happy or joyful in the days after his death, but I was able to take delight in many of those moments. I chose to.
When I was preparing witnesses to testify in court, they chose their energy. Some of them chose certain, trustworthy, or calm. Others chose compassionate (towards the jury, not opposing counsel!) or curious. If they hadn’t chosen intentionally, almost all of them would have slipped into defensiveness, anger, or anxiety. But once they’d chosen the energy they wanted to feel, we could do the work to create that energy.
2-Create the energy.
Some people think thoughts create emotions and energy, but I don’t. It’s your beliefs that create your energy. You have thousands of thoughts a day, and your energy doesn’t change that quickly. But if you believe the thought, then your energy follows. So, in order to create the energy you’ve chosen, you need to look at your beliefs.
Let’s use an example from a witness at trial. She was a doctor who had been sued by one of her patients. Every expert we spoke to said that she did everything right, but the patient had a serious complication. It was a sad case, and the doctor was deeply troubled by it. She believed that she’d done everything right, but she also believed that she should be perfect. She had a lot of emotions… and not all of them would create the energy she wanted to portray when she testified.
Together, we decided what that emotion was. She wanted to be composed. For her, that meant calm, collected, and able to handle difficult situations without anger or overwhelm. She knew that would make testifying easier, and I knew that when the jury saw her composure at trial, they’d believe she’d been similarly composed when treating the patient.
Now, we needed to find the belief that created that energy. “I must win,” was one belief she had–and that created an emotion of desperation. No good.
“This attorney is a jerk” was another belief she had. This created an emotion of anger. Not what she wanted.
“I know I did the right thing.” For her, this created composure. It made her calm. That was the energy we wanted.
It’s worth noting that for some people, “I know I did the right thing” might create defensiveness or frustration. It didn’t for her. You may need to try out various beliefs before finding the one that evokes the desired emotion and, consequently, the energy you want. Do that work. And then do the work to build the belief that fits. For this doctor, it meant reminding herself that the experts, the literature, and her colleagues all affirmed that she did the right thing. That evidence supported her belief.
3-Share the energy.
Now the fun part. Just as AI can’t create the energy that you want to feel, it also can’t share energy and make it contagious. It could tell my doctor that she had to sit up straight and speak slowly and loudly, but it couldn’t make it real. Once it was real, the rest came easy.
My client used the tools we’d worked on. She used her body, her posture, and her hand gestures. She looked the jurors in the eyes and smiled when it was appropriate. She had the energy of composure, and it became contagious. The jury leaned in. Their breathing appeared to slow. And they became more at ease and more composed the more she spoke. We won the trial, and that doctor remains a friend. She calls me often to thank me, not for winning the case but for teaching her how to use her energy to make an impact. I know it will be even more valuable for her in the future.
Once you’ve chosen and created the energy you want, show it. This isn’t fake it until you make it. It’s show it until you grow it.
Even if it feels small and unsure, share what you’ve got. I think of it like a little tiny spark of the energy you want. When you show it to people, it gets oxygen. And oxygen makes it grow.
If you don’t believe me, you can lean on my belief. I’ve seen this happen hundreds of times with witnesses who just had the tiniest spark of confidence, certainty, or calm. But when they showed it to the jury, it grew. If you’re still doubting whether this is true, there’s one way to find out. Do it. Belief is built on evidence, and action is always the best way to create evidence. So choose the emotion. Create it–even if it’s just a spark. Show it. And prove it to yourself.
AI is changing everything for all of us. While men and women will both need to use energy as their greatest asset, women have the evolutionary advantage. We’ve had to manage our energy and use it to manage others’ to survive. Now we get to use that skill to thrive.
